10 reasons your newborn is an evil genius.

Long before your baby utters their first “Dada” or eats food for the first time they will be running rings around you…making sure they have your undivided attention and ensuring you’re having as little sleep as possible. Don’t let these evil geniuses fool you…they know everything!



Your baby may be asleep all evening, but without fail they will wake up and demand attention the moment your dinner comes out of the oven, forcing one of you to eat a cold dinner…this should happen for around 3-4 months, so enjoy that cold, limp broccoli.


You spend an hour rocking your newborn in your arms, bouncing from side to side, lovingly humming a lullaby, but the moment you decide it’s time to sit down and rest your weary legs they will know about it and scream the house down all over again.


They know exactly when their sibling goes for a nap to make sure they are wide awake the entire time, leaving that golden opportunity for you to have a cuppa/do the washing up/simply sit down, long gone.


He will point-blank refuse to give up a burp – especially at 3am despite an hour of winding, then immediately be sick all over his bed as soon as you put him down to sleep.


Without fail, they will wait until the precise moment you check that they are breathing to do that weird break in their breath instantly giving you a heart attack – every time!


They don’t sleep and need cuddles the whole day when you have stuff to do, but as soon as you need to leave the house or someone comes over to visit – sparko!


She will be asleep the whole time you’re waiting for your food but as soon as the waitress brings it to the table – ping!


They will cry, a lot…unless other people are in the vicinity and then they will be on their cutest, quietest behaviour ensuring you look like the mean parent lying about how much hard work they are.


They know as soon as you have them dressed ready for the day, this finely tuned skill enables them to make sure they vomit all over themselves just as you’re leaving the house – this usually happens when you’re running late for something or they are in their fanciest outfit ready for a day out.


Likewise they will make sure they save up their biggest, messiest, poo for when you are halfway out the door – obviously also when you’re running late.

It’s a good job they’re cute…


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