Yup. I’m feeling broody.
I’ve been feeling pangs of broodiness for a few weeks now. I can only imagine it’s been initiated because I have recently stopped breastfeeding. George is now 9 months old (say whaaaat) and I guess stopping breastfeeding was the final link away from having a newborn, a baby who depended entirely on me to survive; each ounce of his perfect little body body grown from my milk, and knowing that he was to be our last little mini Jarvis! (that ship has sailed, if you know what I mean…)
Stuart and I only ever wished for 2 children. And to have been blessed with 2 healthy boys makes us feel really lucky. So it’s not that I want another baby, (Although I probably could have been convinced to be fair!) and having worked my way through most of the symptoms I certainly don’t want the pregnancy again, although the labour I would love to go through again, but it’s a concept most likely to only be truly understood by women, to realise it’s ok to feel broody without then trying for a baby, to know that my body will never again be demanded of such a miraculous task, creating a human being.
It’s not even like my judgement is being clouded of just how tough it was, by now having a perfectly behaved child. George still wakes routinely twice or 3 times each night and is constantly teething, full of cold or coughs. Despite knowing 2nd time around how quickly time goes and to “enjoy the early days” it’s so hard not to feel like we rushed it all again, wanting some kind of routine, our evenings back, more sleep at night…
I crave the chance of George falling asleep on me. His warm, milk drunk face lightly drooling on my chest. I think I can count on one hand how many times they have each done it! But now, with a cheeky little toddler running around, even if George did ever fall asleep on me I know it would be swiftly interrupted by footsteps noisily racing towards us.
BUT, this is really just the beginning still. There may not be any more pregnancies, babies or labours for us. But our parenting journey is just beginning and I am so looking forward to what our future holds with our 2 boys, 2 years apart, hopefully growing up to be the best of friends. It’s exciting to be entering the next chapter of our lives, as a family of 4. No more morning sickness, discoloured nursing bras, postpartum recovery. No more desperately trying to get him to sleep for the first time all day before 11pm or trying everything to get him to feed & gain weight. But getting our lives back as Lara & Stuart and not only as Mummy and Daddy. Being able to actually go out with my girlfriends again and drink a regrettable amount of wine come the 6am wake up, to take trips away with Stuart, even just to go to dinner without needing to rush back for the evening feed.
This stage of our lives is over and for that I guess I need closure, it is after all a huge part of life to be saying goodbye to. But with it comes more opportunity to invest more time in our relationship, being able to work more, sleep (a little) more, getting our lives back, our lives which have been enriched by our 2 spirited, cherished boys.